Back to the Basics (Featured on FB)

It seems like for the greater portion of my life, I strove and fought to get to the place where I could finally say This is where I'm supposed to be.  I kept waiting on life to raise that white flag and say, "Alright. You found me!" What I learned, however, is that this "place" we strive so hard to get to is like a mirage. Sometimes we think we can see a glimpse of it forming before us, but the closer we get to it, the quicker it dissolves into thin air and replaces itself with a new vision.

Has it always been this way? Have we always been a people who are never satisfied, who are always searching for more? Was there ever a time when people just lived?

These questions truly began to develop last week while my husband and I were backpacking on Mt. LeConte, the second largest mountain in Tennessee's Great Smoky Mountains. With only a mile or so left of the trail to climb, it started to snow, and as we ascended, the weather grew colder, and the snow fell stronger and more blustery than I had ever witnessed before. As we stood there on a ledge waiting out the storm, it truly felt as if we were trapped in a blizzard. My clothes were getting wet, my hands were becoming icicles, and my spirits were dampening by the minute. Obviously, getting to my destination and getting warm were my primary concerns; all of my other worries had seemed to vanish.

Once on top of the mountain, we took refuge in the dining hall and lodge, sipping hot cocoa and resting by the gas-lit heaters. We found ourselves staring out of the window, growing increasingly more aware of the cold night in the shelter that lay before us, and as daylight slowly diminished and a icy, bleak darkness swept over the mountain, I began to think about the people who used to inhabit those mountains hundreds of years ago. They weren't worried about how many calories they consumed, how high they could climb up the corporate ladder, or how shiny their new cars were. They weren't constantly attached to cell phones or continuously checking their social-networking accounts. They focused on what was real, and reality for these people was family...and survival. We, on the contrary, live lives where failure isn't an option, where the amount of choices we have is incalculable, and where stress is a natural part of life. In sum, we live in an easy world that we choose to make difficult.

While the wind howled through the fir trees, and the first signs of sleep finally began to settle in, I realized that all it takes is getting out of our comfort zones--even for just a day--to really make us feel alive and human. Simply take us out of our element for a moment, and we will find ourselves falling back into a pattern mimicking that of a child: yearning to be warm, fed, held, dry, and clean. Everything else--all the noise that drowns out what truly matters in life--no longer remains a concern. Miraculously, the little problems that used to plague us no longer seem so important, and the little things we used to overlook now seem so precious and beautiful.

We are all guilty of forgetting how to live with the innocence of a child,  but learning to live a little simpler will allow us to truly grasp what love really means. Moreover, it will give us a broader view of the world around us, helping us to prioritize what really counts. Living a slower, simpler life can help connect us with our desire to feel safe...human...loved. This desire is what sets us apart from everything else; it's what the human soul craves the most. It's what makes being human so special.

As we hiked down the mountain the next day, the sun shone brightly, and the formerly snow-laden tree boughs revealed blooms that would blossom within a few, short days. It seemed as if we had been transplanted to another season. Life is like that sometimes. Below the surface of all of our stresses, headaches, and problems, something special is taking shape just for us. We need only to calm our minds, listen for God's still voice, and truly learn to let go of those things that incessantly burden us.

The snow storms of life don't have to stop us from living. The sun will rise again, and with that, we have peace.

Social Networking: Friend or Foe?

The beginning...

I can remember when the Internet really started booming in the nineties and finally crossed the thresholds into our very own homes. People said that it was a "wave of the future" and that it would create a way for the world to communicate by the click of a mouse. People could meet others with similar interests, stay in touch with out-of-town family members and friends, get business done, play Solitaire, and look up research in an online encyclopedia all at the same time. Unfortunately, we soon found out that there was a negative side to the Internet, what with the insane (and very explicit) amounts of junk mail that poured into our mailboxes each and every day, the annoying pop-ups that littered our screens, and the time it actually took to access the Web as a whole. However, we were sold. It didn't take us long to realize that the old-fashioned way we used to manage our lives had soon become an afterthought.

Sometimes, it's possible to become too connected. 

If the Internet and its wealth of knowledge wasn't enough to keep us all in a trance, the social network (in all its forms) quickly changed the way our lives function altogether. My first experience with social networking probably began with America Online (AOL) chat rooms. My friends and I used to log into these and talk to people all over the country. We thought it was the most awesome thing we had ever encountered. What was even cooler, however, was the fact that we got to talk to each other via instant messenger without even picking up the telephone. Now, that was cool. If you would've told me then that there would be cell phones that sent messages--and better yet--talked to you (Yes, Siri, I'm talking about you.), I would've called you crazy for sure. And if you would've told me that there would be a hub where millions of people could connect, reconnect, upload pictures, and post their every moves, I would've laughed at you and wondered why anyone would ever want to do that. Well, now I know. When Facebook finally came around in 2004, it was my first year of college. I was enrolled at The University of Alabama, and all of my new coworkers and friends were tapped into this conduit of social effervescence. Truthfully, I simply thought it was a fancy way to meet people (a.k.a. dating service), and I had no desire for that. Hence, I kept my distance. Two years later, on the other hand, I signed up and haven't looked back since.

We've come a long way since then, and although we can all agree that the Internet and social networks suck up our time in copious amounts, we would be foolish to say that they haven't infiltrated every area of our lives. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't access it at work or at home on my phone. If I'm not posting attendance, checking my e-mail, looking up a recipe on Pinterest, blogging away about my last race, looking up a word on my dictionary app, uploading my latest pictures on Facebook, or Tweeting a calm musing to the Twittersphere, I'll find myself looking around the room, staring at a huge, black screen that once displayed mind-captivating pictures. Sometimes, I'll catch myself glancing at a shelf in the dining room that holds these rectangular-like objects I used to read. I think they're called books. Better yet, if I'm really lost, I'll find myself staring at my piano, the dog's leash, that beautiful casserole dish, or my old tennis racket and say, "Hmm...those could probably get a little more use."

I have to confess. I want to be the best wife, the best housekeeper, the best English teacher, the best Sunday school teacher, the best daughter, sister, and friend, the avid reader, the consistent piano player, the clear and steady singer, the keenest home decorator, the punctual, the smart, the pretty, the thin, the strong, the happy...the best I can be in everything. In short, I want to be superwoman, and over time, I've begun to understand that in order to accomplish all of this, I would have to neglect some things I used to really enjoy doing. But where do we draw the line? How can we stay connected when we're trying so hard to be our bests? Well, it's possible if you let social networking fill in the gaps and play the game for you.

And that's when I started scratching my head...


What exactly is a social life these days, and do I have one? Do I want one? Better yet, is social networking an impostor for one?

As with most people these days, the more I'm involved with social networking, the more connected I feel to the world without actually being a part of the world. Whereas some people might move colleges, neighborhoods, or churches to feel more connected, others might move to other cities, states, or even countries to find that lost link of unity. For most of us, however, we find that we can safely thrive in the instantaneous connections social networking provides us without even having to book a flight or list a house. We're all guilty of this. In a world that places typing over writing, texts over letters, blogs over diaries and journals, Angry Birds over board games, and online search engines over libraries, it's hard not to fall into the trap of the "microwave lifestyle." I don't know about you, but I've almost Twittered, Facebooked, pinned, and blogged myself into a virtual frenzy--all while in my pajamas. I rarely see my good friend who lives only an hour or so away, and my visits with my family have almost become nonexistent. And for the record, randomly writing on someone's wall or occasionally commenting on a Facebook picture does not qualify as quality time together.

The problem...

Most of us who have led the majority of our lives without social networking are simply playing around with these programs because we see them as new and different.  Between work and family, it's difficult to find time to break away from the daily grind; as a result, we often feel as if our lives are bound to our jobs and to our homes. Social networking provides an outlet for us to have the most convenient social lives ever imaginable. We can cook breakfast, wash clothes, and give the kids a bath all while uploading pictures from our latest vacation. We can be at work, in a car, at a ballgame, getting our hair cut, shopping for groceries...we can be anywhere and find out what our neighbor down the street is planning on having for supper or what our friend's sister's cousin's daughter wore to the prom. But these kids? When I look at my high-school students today, I see that they do not know a life without these things. This is their world.

As if figuring out who you are in your teenage years isn't hard enough, kids now not only have to worry about measuring up in their physical worlds; they have to compete virtually, as well. No longer is there only one identity to seek out and attempt to perfect; there are two. Our virtual identities, (I say our because all social networkers--not just kids and teens--have one) are extremely enticing to us because we feel that we have a better grasp on them and can manipulate them to portray the image we want others to see. We upload our best pictures and post statuses that make us seem like we are happy and have everything under control. We can all admit that we have often felt split between two worlds.

The area where I've seen teens struggle the most, however, is in their actual social skills, and I'm not merely pointing this out because I'm an English teacher who cringes when she sees "IDK" in an answer blank. First, tweeting and posting on walls gives teens a chance to say things they probably wouldn't say face-to-face because their limitations have been numbed by impulsiveness. As a result, when they get to school the next day, it's mayhem. Secondly, how can we teach teens that it's not "all about them" when social networking reinforces this idea each and every day? Moreover, if a relationship hasn't been validated by Facebook, it's obviously not official. Right? High school is dramatic enough. Why encourage the creation of a channel for it to flow even more freely than it ever has before? All of us have these questions, but we really don't know how to take the first step.

My challenge...

Taking all of this into consideration, I decided to engage some of my willing students (including myself) in a little competition to see if they could last a week without accessing a social network. One of my students dubbed it "The Triple 'F' Challenge" (Free From Facebook). All participants signed an honor code promising to abstain from Facebook, Twitter, and all things in between, and I asked them to write a daily journal before they went to bed explaining how they spent their time differently. You would be surprised as to what they said. Most explained how they got more sleep and felt better the following day. Others mentioned having a clearer head without having the Facebook news feed constantly reeling in their minds. What struck me the most, however, were those who mentioned reading their Bibles more and spending more time with their families. One girl even proceeded to say that she spent one of her Facebook-free evenings watching an episode of The Waltons with her mom and dad. (And if you happen to not know what The Waltons is, it's a family-friendly television show set in the World War II era that focuses on the struggles and hardships a loving, working-class family has to endure.)

I didn't expect my students to delete their accounts; I simply wanted to test their willpower and show other ways in which their time could be used. Honestly, I think we accomplished something great, and I think they learned a great deal about moderation and living a simpler, more easy-going life.

Life before we knew too much...

I often think life would be simpler if we lived like they did in The Waltons. Of course, I know the difference between fact and fiction, but the show is so similar to the stories I've heard my own grandparents tell about their own lives; it's hard not to respect the show and take it seriously. See, the Walton children were brought up on hard work and discipline. They had the opportunity to experience life, death, and the beauty of all that goes on in between those two extremes without Facebook or Twitter. I realize life was hard back then, but people also dealt with those hardships differently. They saw beauty and a lesson in everything, and they handled life's up's and down's as a family. If we could only attempt to make a place for this mentality in our own lives, we would be sharper, more considerate, more level headed, more appreciative of the little things, and more in tune with our families. I'm not a mother yet, but I am a teacher. Even though I'm not always perfect at this, one of my primary goals is to model moderation with the things we so often deem as necessities in today's culture--social networking being one of them. It might not be the answer, but it's a step in the right direction.

The ultimate challenge...

Social networking has its advantages, but when it becomes a chore, a bothersome nuisance we feel as if we have to use in order to feel as if we're a part of this bustling, burgeoning world, or something that comes in between us and our families, we might need to step back, reevaluate, and reconsider why we use it. I've heard students and adults alike say, "People might not think I have anything to do or that my life isn't as exciting as theirs." I've also heard, "Someone might think something is wrong with me if I don't continuously post about my life."

If social networking has become burdensome, tedious, meticulous, and annoying, take a break from and it and see how you feel. This same concept is applicable for anything that consumes our complete attention and takes the joy out of living.

It's all about balance.

Finally, social networking has been going on for ages. The Romans had their bathrooms, the aristocrats had their parlors and balls, and our grandmothers had (and still have) their salons. It's not a knew concept. It becomes a problem, however, when it takes us away from our faith and from our families. Will I delete my social networking accounts? As of right now, probably not. Will I eventually? Maybe. What I do know is that I will monitor why and when I use them a little more closely than I have before.

We could probably learn a lot from those Waltons kids or even our own grandparents, for that matter. Somehow, they managed to make it through life without knowing everybody's business, and keeping their own issues to themselves was a matter of dignity and pride. They had the time to truly connect with each other. You know, I suppose we could go so far as to say that the children of these types of families were pioneers in the world of social networking.

And I bet they would've called the first social networks families

The Power of Journaling (Featured on Finding Balance)

"The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium." ~Norbet Platt
                                                                                                                    
I have written in a journal since elementary school.  Most of my journals document my battle with my eating issues, but between bouts of confusion and doubt, I mention the simple, daily goings-on that God chose to let me experience and live out. Believe it or not, these little sections within my journals are my most precious pieces of writing. Now, I can read between the lines and learn that God was wielding all of my experiences together to create what I call my beautiful (yet somewhat crazy) life. 

Journaling can be a wonderful resource in our lives for three really good reasons: First, writing down all of life's up's and down's keeps us in tune with our growing identities. Sometimes, it's hard for us to expose our thoughts and emotions to even our closest of companions and friends, and sometimes, it's hard for us to admit the truth about what we're scared of or what we really want out of life. Journaling gives us an outlet to discover and explore the things about ourselves that we're scared to acknowledge. Once we spell it out on paper plainly and simply, it becomes official and valid, and by doing this, it becomes easier to deal with.


Secondly, journaling lets us remember. There's nothing like sitting down and remembering the events that marked a graduation, your wedding day, a birth. Likewise, reflecting on a milestone in the midst of our recoveries can help us get back on track if we hit a bump on the road...and those are bound to happen. Plus, even through some of my darkest times, I can look back in my journals and see that some pretty amazing things happened within that period of time. Often, I'll read things that make me say, "Wow. I almost missed that. If I wouldn't have been so concerned with _______, I could've appreciated it more." These instances can humble us and bring us to realize that life is what's going on while we're sitting around planning on how to change everything and attempting to make our lives better. 

Finally, how many of us have lain in bed at night with a thousand things on our minds, wondering how we will ever handle them all? When we write down our stresses, our rants, our worries, and our fears, we're laying them down and giving them to God; we're simply following through on our part of God's promise. He promised that we could rest our cares in Him, and doing just that can reassure us that God is listening and waiting to help us with each and every one of our problems. Psalms 55:22 says, Cast your burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain you: he shall never permit the righteous to be moved. This verse proves that God will never leave us with something we can't handle if we give it all to Him. 


I'm not always thorough with my journaling; sometimes I find myself going days, weeks, and sometimes even months without writing a single entry. But I always find myself going back, and I always pick up right where I left off. Even though our lives can take us all over the place--psychologically and physically--our journals are steady and true. They're always waiting to listen.

His Will, Not Mine (Featured on Finding Balance)

When I first started college in 2004, I was eager to help girls with their eating and weight issues, so going into the nutrition field seemed to be the area in which to pursue. I had already been down that road and was still shakily teetering on the bridge between recovery and affliction. God had other plans for me, however.

In near fatal situations, most people say they see their lives flash before them. I, on the other hand, saw my future...a future I might possibly never get to experience. On October 10, 2004, I had a life-altering car accident. No, I wasn't physically altered, but I took on a change that would forever alter the way I saw myself, my world, and my future. At first, this change wasn't accepted. I did everything in my heart to do what I had originally wanted to do, thinking my plans had first priority. However, after my car accident, God revealed to me that He wanted me to live a life almost the opposite of what I wanted. A teacher? Really?  Is that what you want from me, God?  Being a teacher was not for me. I couldn't wait to get out of high school, so why on earth would I want to go back? It didn't make any sense! And what about this lingering eating problem? How am I going to get rid of it?

From college up until I had been married for a couple of years, I always felt that I was just shy of fully grasping the concept of what God was trying to do in my life. My life was a huge question mark because I couldn't make sense of the past, and the future scared me to death. Sometimes I fought God's plan like a baby fights sleep; even so, just like a calm comes over a sleeping child, a peace rested on my heart when I slowly began to make those changes God had wanted to see. All along God had been preparing me for a life I couldn't even imagine, and only recently have I begun to fully see why God chose me to do what I do. I have the opportunity to positively influence more people each day as a teacher than I would in an entire year with some other careers. It's a huge feat, but God knows what He is doing. He always does. And my eating problems? God showed me that I couldn't help others until I had helped myself first, and that if I wanted to be an influence, I was going to have to step up to the plate and take responsibility for my health.

It goes without saying that if God has you plugged into a life you don't quite understand yet, do not give up. Your primary goals may revolve around your eating and weight issues, but His plans are supreme. They can interweave into your needs and desires--even your career goals--without you even knowing it. There's always a bigger picture. His plans and yours might not make any sense at this moment, but when everything comes together, you will know why it was all worth the wait.

Sweet Forgiveness (Featured on Finding Balance)

I can remember trying to explain to my loved ones that my biggest desire in life was to be normal. I had forgotten what it was like to eat something without knowing its complete nutritional makeup, and I had forgotten what it was like to be active just for the sake of fun. I simply knew too much; I was too aware. Deep within my heart I knew I'd never forget the way I had programmed my mind to compensate for my errors in life, and this is what scared me the most--not being able to forget.

For years I punished and blamed myself for a multitude of mistakes, mishaps, and misguided situations I directed and authored over the course of my adolescence. I silently imploded, and I used my eating and weight issues to handle the regret. I didn't feel as if I should be able to forget what I had done, the things I had said. I didn't feel worthy. My all-or-nothing mentality didn't help matters, either. If I'm going to do something, it's worth doing well, and it's worth doing right; otherwise, why try? My eating and weight issues were no exception. I flip-flopped from one extreme to the other, hoping that each new time I tried to get back on track (diet), I would glide down the yellow brick road to happiness with ease and grace. Year after year, however, I was proven wrong. I fought a losing battle because I couldn't let go. I couldn't get over my mistakes even though God had.

Eventually, the mental anguish and exhaustion took its toll on me. Although I didn't want to, I had to accept the reality of my situation. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done, but it worked. I saw that it was ludicrous to expect forgiveness from others if I couldn't forgive myself. In Ephesians 4:32, God advises us to forgive others just as He forgave us. This includes forgiving ourselves!

My journey to recovery didn't happen over night. There were times I thought I was on my way, and there were times I thought it would never happen. Little did I know, all of those relapses and bad days were being knitted together to form something pretty sturdy and strong. The rigid standards I had set for myself finally began to unravel, and being my own worst critic suddenly lost its zest. It was official. Being the person who treated me the worst, who talked to me the worst, and who downed me the most had finally lost its appeal. I should've known that God's time would make all the difference.

Before I could seek true forgiveness, a few things needed to be established.

1) I accepted that I'm not normal, and I'm not ever going to be normal. I'm better than normal.
2) I vowed that one day, I'd find a way to spread the word and inspire people to change for the better.
3) I elected to let go. Why hold onto the past? I had already freed myself from the people, the places, and the ideas that triggered me for entirely too long, so why was I still attaching my identity to them?
4) I promised to face my fears and break myself free from the ruts I had previously considered structured routines.

We should never under any circumstances let our pasts dictate our futures. God has already taken care of that! Our stories have already been written from a hand who knows and sees all things. God wants us to grow, and this can't happen if we're spiritually stuck in the past. When God forgives us, He gives us the release to forgive ourselves, so what should we fear?

The Blame Game (Featured on Finding Balance)

Why do I have this problem?

This simple sentence flooded my brain almost every day for eight years. I couldn't understand why I saw food differently than everyone else, why it had to be so paradoxical. I loved food so much that I hated it; it was as simple as that.

"Just eat." or "Just stop when you're full." Everyone around me seemed to know how to make it go away. It all seemed so simple to them, but my routines, my beliefs, my truths...I knew them just as the sun knows when and where to rise and set. It doesn't just go away.

Blame. It has to go somewhere, right? I wanted to blame everybody and everything. I needed a reason, and I needed to know why. Why was my mind so messed up, so tainted, so weak?

As a teenager, life seemed so permanent. My day to day life, the way I was treated, the things that I was good at/interested in/involved with...in my mind those were all fixed and would never change. My life was what I saw in the mirror that day. I was a number, a lipstick tube, a brand on a shirt, a "You're not fat; you're just big" from a peer. My identity, bent and twisted, only truly existed when I stripped myself of the makeup, the brand names, the fake friends, and the belittling of others to make myself feel better. It was down there somewhere underneath it all; I just had to find it. I knew that much.

Life's biggest questions revolve around reasons we don't have. We want to know why life isn't always fair and why we have to look, dress, and learn the way we do. We want someone or something to blame for how bad things are...for why we're grouped and classified the way we are or why things had to happen the way they did. Sadly, life doesn't always provide us with these reasons. That would be too easy, wouldn't it?

I've learned that nothing is easy when you're growing up. Between who our parents want us to be and who our friends think we should be, discovering our identities is a grueling, never-ending battle. Without that third factor--God's plan--living and existing in my life, I can't even consider where I would be today. That underlying hope that there was more...that God had a deeper plan...that God would never forsake me...that is what kept me believing. Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." What peace comes from knowing that we don't have to have all the answers; God has them all in the palm of his hand!

God's truth supersedes all of our made-up truths, and with this fact, we have a reason to live a life of freedom, not blame!

New Resolutions

By now, most of our New Year's resolutions have crashed and burned. It happens to the best of us. We set out on a quest to lose weight and get into shape, thinking this year is going to be different. This year, we're going to make it happen. But somewhere along the way, we end up recognizing that our goals might have been a little too far-fetched, or maybe we end up throwing up our hands altogether because we feel defeated.

If we would all stop focusing entirely on losing weight, the extra weight we might be carrying around wouldn't seem so bad. This sounds like common sense, but when we are faced with today's media on a daily basis, it's hard not to think about it twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

The weight loss industry is indeed one of the most lucrative industries in our country. According to Business Week, we spend 40 billion dollars on it annually. Imagine what we could do with this money! And no wonder! Commercials, internet advertisements, billboards, and magazine advertisements are flying at us like crazy, making us feel like something is wrong with us if we're NOT on a diet. Have you been in America right before January rolls around? It's impossible to walk into a store without it hitting us right in the face. Have you noticed how stores move all of their exercise equipment and athletic clothing close to the entrance so it will be the first thing we see? And have you recognized that at some stores, all the newest, we-promise-this-will-work-this-time weight-loss products are right at the front so we will walk directly by them, convincing ourselves in the process that we need them? It's scary! It's psychology!

No, it’s marketing!

The majority of the time, the media doesn't care if we are fit and healthy; they simply want our money. If these products and programs worked, these companies wouldn't need paid celebrities to endorse them, nor would they have to filter massive amounts of advertising through our televisions and magazines each and every day. Do you ever see commercials for good old-fashioned exercise and healthy eating? Seldom if ever. In today's advertising, companies simply show a picture of a size-negative-four supermodel who immediately causes us to question everything about ourselves. If it affects us, they've done what they set out to do. After we wallow in criticism for what seems like hours, we pound our fists on our tables and vow to make a change. The first thing that pops into our heads? I need something fast...a quick fix...something that will change me as soon as possible because obviously I'm not what I'm supposed to be. The next thing we know, we're riding home with that very product (and an empty wallet).

Wouldn't it be amazing if people across the county stood up and said, "We have had enough!"? Wouldn't it be great if we funneled our money into things that promoted a positive, healthy attitude about ourselves instead of pouring all the money we believe our insecurities are worth into a 40 billion dollar industry that's going nowhere?

Even though January 1st has come and gone, we can still make positive resolutions. Instead of buying the newest diet pill, shake, or bar...instead of buying that new workout machine that will eventually become a very complex looking clothes rack/dust collector, we could purchase some new hiking boots to scale a mountain, sign up for a race, or buy a new tent to go on a family camping trip. We could even join a kickboxing class, buy a canoe, or finally take off and go on that white-water rafting trip we've always wanted to take.

The year is still young, and there's plenty of time to get out there and discover all this world has to offer besides just another quick fix. Let's make our experiences last a lifetime. After all, life is all about relationships and memories, and to make these flourish and grow, sometimes we have to slow down, take the first step, realize there's more to life than weight, and resolve to start living happily...and a "quick fix" isn't going to get us there any faster.