Labels

Five more days until I run my first (and last?) marathon.

So far, this has been an extremely bizarre week. I had these preconceptions about how I'd be feeling right about now. I figured I'd be floating on cloud nine...feeling optimistic and free...knowing I had done everything right and that I was going to soar across the finish line feeling like a bird in the breeze. Whoa. Was I wrong.

My nerves are shot. 

Aren't you supposed to lose weight when you run?

My foot HURTS.

Emotional? Sniff. Sniff. You think I'm emotional?

It all comes down to this: Who in the world am I, and what are my motives in everything I do? 

Sometimes I think about what in the world drove me to do this. Running started out being a way to unwind and exercise. You know...the whole set some goals and get off the couch technique. Now, it has turned into what and who I am. Coming from the low places I've been in my life, this might not seem like such a bad thing, but when you realize you're replacing one label with another, it can kind of make you sit and think. And sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, thinking is good.

So often I see my teenage students struggling with labels, whether it's a label from an extracurricular activity they're involved in or a label from a particular article of clothing they're wearing. Sometimes their boyfriends/girlfriends are their labels. They want it to be right, whatever it is. They want to belong, and labels allow them to do this. It's funny how they designate each other into their own little groups when all they all want is to be accepted and loved. What's not funny is how this burden of a mentality can follow and haunt us even after we've left the halls of our high schools; hence, today's post. 

Will I be satisfied when I've run this pinnacle of a race, or will I still be searching? Will I be content with being labeled a marathoner, or will I still need another label to plaster across my forehead as if everyone can see it? (As if anyone even cares...) Or will I give up on labels altogether? Ding ding ding. I hope it's the last one.

I want to believe that there's a difference in searching for our identities and searching for ways to better ourselves. Sometimes, however, we can confuse these two processes. Accepting the truth is a step in the right direction, and I know this to be true for myself. It's always been a struggle of mine. Nevertheless, one thing I know is that it's getting better, and sometimes, improvement is all a person needs to keep on keepin' on. 

Whatever you do, make sure God's behind it. Our plans for ourselves are never as awesome as his. Mine have usually turned out to be flops, but his? His make so much sense after I've quit trying to get my two cents in.

Note to self, huh?