Social Networking: Friend or Foe?

The beginning...

I can remember when the Internet really started booming in the nineties and finally crossed the thresholds into our very own homes. People said that it was a "wave of the future" and that it would create a way for the world to communicate by the click of a mouse. People could meet others with similar interests, stay in touch with out-of-town family members and friends, get business done, play Solitaire, and look up research in an online encyclopedia all at the same time. Unfortunately, we soon found out that there was a negative side to the Internet, what with the insane (and very explicit) amounts of junk mail that poured into our mailboxes each and every day, the annoying pop-ups that littered our screens, and the time it actually took to access the Web as a whole. However, we were sold. It didn't take us long to realize that the old-fashioned way we used to manage our lives had soon become an afterthought.

Sometimes, it's possible to become too connected. 

If the Internet and its wealth of knowledge wasn't enough to keep us all in a trance, the social network (in all its forms) quickly changed the way our lives function altogether. My first experience with social networking probably began with America Online (AOL) chat rooms. My friends and I used to log into these and talk to people all over the country. We thought it was the most awesome thing we had ever encountered. What was even cooler, however, was the fact that we got to talk to each other via instant messenger without even picking up the telephone. Now, that was cool. If you would've told me then that there would be cell phones that sent messages--and better yet--talked to you (Yes, Siri, I'm talking about you.), I would've called you crazy for sure. And if you would've told me that there would be a hub where millions of people could connect, reconnect, upload pictures, and post their every moves, I would've laughed at you and wondered why anyone would ever want to do that. Well, now I know. When Facebook finally came around in 2004, it was my first year of college. I was enrolled at The University of Alabama, and all of my new coworkers and friends were tapped into this conduit of social effervescence. Truthfully, I simply thought it was a fancy way to meet people (a.k.a. dating service), and I had no desire for that. Hence, I kept my distance. Two years later, on the other hand, I signed up and haven't looked back since.

We've come a long way since then, and although we can all agree that the Internet and social networks suck up our time in copious amounts, we would be foolish to say that they haven't infiltrated every area of our lives. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't access it at work or at home on my phone. If I'm not posting attendance, checking my e-mail, looking up a recipe on Pinterest, blogging away about my last race, looking up a word on my dictionary app, uploading my latest pictures on Facebook, or Tweeting a calm musing to the Twittersphere, I'll find myself looking around the room, staring at a huge, black screen that once displayed mind-captivating pictures. Sometimes, I'll catch myself glancing at a shelf in the dining room that holds these rectangular-like objects I used to read. I think they're called books. Better yet, if I'm really lost, I'll find myself staring at my piano, the dog's leash, that beautiful casserole dish, or my old tennis racket and say, "Hmm...those could probably get a little more use."

I have to confess. I want to be the best wife, the best housekeeper, the best English teacher, the best Sunday school teacher, the best daughter, sister, and friend, the avid reader, the consistent piano player, the clear and steady singer, the keenest home decorator, the punctual, the smart, the pretty, the thin, the strong, the happy...the best I can be in everything. In short, I want to be superwoman, and over time, I've begun to understand that in order to accomplish all of this, I would have to neglect some things I used to really enjoy doing. But where do we draw the line? How can we stay connected when we're trying so hard to be our bests? Well, it's possible if you let social networking fill in the gaps and play the game for you.

And that's when I started scratching my head...


What exactly is a social life these days, and do I have one? Do I want one? Better yet, is social networking an impostor for one?

As with most people these days, the more I'm involved with social networking, the more connected I feel to the world without actually being a part of the world. Whereas some people might move colleges, neighborhoods, or churches to feel more connected, others might move to other cities, states, or even countries to find that lost link of unity. For most of us, however, we find that we can safely thrive in the instantaneous connections social networking provides us without even having to book a flight or list a house. We're all guilty of this. In a world that places typing over writing, texts over letters, blogs over diaries and journals, Angry Birds over board games, and online search engines over libraries, it's hard not to fall into the trap of the "microwave lifestyle." I don't know about you, but I've almost Twittered, Facebooked, pinned, and blogged myself into a virtual frenzy--all while in my pajamas. I rarely see my good friend who lives only an hour or so away, and my visits with my family have almost become nonexistent. And for the record, randomly writing on someone's wall or occasionally commenting on a Facebook picture does not qualify as quality time together.

The problem...

Most of us who have led the majority of our lives without social networking are simply playing around with these programs because we see them as new and different.  Between work and family, it's difficult to find time to break away from the daily grind; as a result, we often feel as if our lives are bound to our jobs and to our homes. Social networking provides an outlet for us to have the most convenient social lives ever imaginable. We can cook breakfast, wash clothes, and give the kids a bath all while uploading pictures from our latest vacation. We can be at work, in a car, at a ballgame, getting our hair cut, shopping for groceries...we can be anywhere and find out what our neighbor down the street is planning on having for supper or what our friend's sister's cousin's daughter wore to the prom. But these kids? When I look at my high-school students today, I see that they do not know a life without these things. This is their world.

As if figuring out who you are in your teenage years isn't hard enough, kids now not only have to worry about measuring up in their physical worlds; they have to compete virtually, as well. No longer is there only one identity to seek out and attempt to perfect; there are two. Our virtual identities, (I say our because all social networkers--not just kids and teens--have one) are extremely enticing to us because we feel that we have a better grasp on them and can manipulate them to portray the image we want others to see. We upload our best pictures and post statuses that make us seem like we are happy and have everything under control. We can all admit that we have often felt split between two worlds.

The area where I've seen teens struggle the most, however, is in their actual social skills, and I'm not merely pointing this out because I'm an English teacher who cringes when she sees "IDK" in an answer blank. First, tweeting and posting on walls gives teens a chance to say things they probably wouldn't say face-to-face because their limitations have been numbed by impulsiveness. As a result, when they get to school the next day, it's mayhem. Secondly, how can we teach teens that it's not "all about them" when social networking reinforces this idea each and every day? Moreover, if a relationship hasn't been validated by Facebook, it's obviously not official. Right? High school is dramatic enough. Why encourage the creation of a channel for it to flow even more freely than it ever has before? All of us have these questions, but we really don't know how to take the first step.

My challenge...

Taking all of this into consideration, I decided to engage some of my willing students (including myself) in a little competition to see if they could last a week without accessing a social network. One of my students dubbed it "The Triple 'F' Challenge" (Free From Facebook). All participants signed an honor code promising to abstain from Facebook, Twitter, and all things in between, and I asked them to write a daily journal before they went to bed explaining how they spent their time differently. You would be surprised as to what they said. Most explained how they got more sleep and felt better the following day. Others mentioned having a clearer head without having the Facebook news feed constantly reeling in their minds. What struck me the most, however, were those who mentioned reading their Bibles more and spending more time with their families. One girl even proceeded to say that she spent one of her Facebook-free evenings watching an episode of The Waltons with her mom and dad. (And if you happen to not know what The Waltons is, it's a family-friendly television show set in the World War II era that focuses on the struggles and hardships a loving, working-class family has to endure.)

I didn't expect my students to delete their accounts; I simply wanted to test their willpower and show other ways in which their time could be used. Honestly, I think we accomplished something great, and I think they learned a great deal about moderation and living a simpler, more easy-going life.

Life before we knew too much...

I often think life would be simpler if we lived like they did in The Waltons. Of course, I know the difference between fact and fiction, but the show is so similar to the stories I've heard my own grandparents tell about their own lives; it's hard not to respect the show and take it seriously. See, the Walton children were brought up on hard work and discipline. They had the opportunity to experience life, death, and the beauty of all that goes on in between those two extremes without Facebook or Twitter. I realize life was hard back then, but people also dealt with those hardships differently. They saw beauty and a lesson in everything, and they handled life's up's and down's as a family. If we could only attempt to make a place for this mentality in our own lives, we would be sharper, more considerate, more level headed, more appreciative of the little things, and more in tune with our families. I'm not a mother yet, but I am a teacher. Even though I'm not always perfect at this, one of my primary goals is to model moderation with the things we so often deem as necessities in today's culture--social networking being one of them. It might not be the answer, but it's a step in the right direction.

The ultimate challenge...

Social networking has its advantages, but when it becomes a chore, a bothersome nuisance we feel as if we have to use in order to feel as if we're a part of this bustling, burgeoning world, or something that comes in between us and our families, we might need to step back, reevaluate, and reconsider why we use it. I've heard students and adults alike say, "People might not think I have anything to do or that my life isn't as exciting as theirs." I've also heard, "Someone might think something is wrong with me if I don't continuously post about my life."

If social networking has become burdensome, tedious, meticulous, and annoying, take a break from and it and see how you feel. This same concept is applicable for anything that consumes our complete attention and takes the joy out of living.

It's all about balance.

Finally, social networking has been going on for ages. The Romans had their bathrooms, the aristocrats had their parlors and balls, and our grandmothers had (and still have) their salons. It's not a knew concept. It becomes a problem, however, when it takes us away from our faith and from our families. Will I delete my social networking accounts? As of right now, probably not. Will I eventually? Maybe. What I do know is that I will monitor why and when I use them a little more closely than I have before.

We could probably learn a lot from those Waltons kids or even our own grandparents, for that matter. Somehow, they managed to make it through life without knowing everybody's business, and keeping their own issues to themselves was a matter of dignity and pride. They had the time to truly connect with each other. You know, I suppose we could go so far as to say that the children of these types of families were pioneers in the world of social networking.

And I bet they would've called the first social networks families

The Power of Journaling (Featured on Finding Balance)

"The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium." ~Norbet Platt
                                                                                                                    
I have written in a journal since elementary school.  Most of my journals document my battle with my eating issues, but between bouts of confusion and doubt, I mention the simple, daily goings-on that God chose to let me experience and live out. Believe it or not, these little sections within my journals are my most precious pieces of writing. Now, I can read between the lines and learn that God was wielding all of my experiences together to create what I call my beautiful (yet somewhat crazy) life. 

Journaling can be a wonderful resource in our lives for three really good reasons: First, writing down all of life's up's and down's keeps us in tune with our growing identities. Sometimes, it's hard for us to expose our thoughts and emotions to even our closest of companions and friends, and sometimes, it's hard for us to admit the truth about what we're scared of or what we really want out of life. Journaling gives us an outlet to discover and explore the things about ourselves that we're scared to acknowledge. Once we spell it out on paper plainly and simply, it becomes official and valid, and by doing this, it becomes easier to deal with.


Secondly, journaling lets us remember. There's nothing like sitting down and remembering the events that marked a graduation, your wedding day, a birth. Likewise, reflecting on a milestone in the midst of our recoveries can help us get back on track if we hit a bump on the road...and those are bound to happen. Plus, even through some of my darkest times, I can look back in my journals and see that some pretty amazing things happened within that period of time. Often, I'll read things that make me say, "Wow. I almost missed that. If I wouldn't have been so concerned with _______, I could've appreciated it more." These instances can humble us and bring us to realize that life is what's going on while we're sitting around planning on how to change everything and attempting to make our lives better. 

Finally, how many of us have lain in bed at night with a thousand things on our minds, wondering how we will ever handle them all? When we write down our stresses, our rants, our worries, and our fears, we're laying them down and giving them to God; we're simply following through on our part of God's promise. He promised that we could rest our cares in Him, and doing just that can reassure us that God is listening and waiting to help us with each and every one of our problems. Psalms 55:22 says, Cast your burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain you: he shall never permit the righteous to be moved. This verse proves that God will never leave us with something we can't handle if we give it all to Him. 


I'm not always thorough with my journaling; sometimes I find myself going days, weeks, and sometimes even months without writing a single entry. But I always find myself going back, and I always pick up right where I left off. Even though our lives can take us all over the place--psychologically and physically--our journals are steady and true. They're always waiting to listen.