New Resolutions

By now, most of our New Year's resolutions have crashed and burned. It happens to the best of us. We set out on a quest to lose weight and get into shape, thinking this year is going to be different. This year, we're going to make it happen. But somewhere along the way, we end up recognizing that our goals might have been a little too far-fetched, or maybe we end up throwing up our hands altogether because we feel defeated.

If we would all stop focusing entirely on losing weight, the extra weight we might be carrying around wouldn't seem so bad. This sounds like common sense, but when we are faced with today's media on a daily basis, it's hard not to think about it twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

The weight loss industry is indeed one of the most lucrative industries in our country. According to Business Week, we spend 40 billion dollars on it annually. Imagine what we could do with this money! And no wonder! Commercials, internet advertisements, billboards, and magazine advertisements are flying at us like crazy, making us feel like something is wrong with us if we're NOT on a diet. Have you been in America right before January rolls around? It's impossible to walk into a store without it hitting us right in the face. Have you noticed how stores move all of their exercise equipment and athletic clothing close to the entrance so it will be the first thing we see? And have you recognized that at some stores, all the newest, we-promise-this-will-work-this-time weight-loss products are right at the front so we will walk directly by them, convincing ourselves in the process that we need them? It's scary! It's psychology!

No, it’s marketing!

The majority of the time, the media doesn't care if we are fit and healthy; they simply want our money. If these products and programs worked, these companies wouldn't need paid celebrities to endorse them, nor would they have to filter massive amounts of advertising through our televisions and magazines each and every day. Do you ever see commercials for good old-fashioned exercise and healthy eating? Seldom if ever. In today's advertising, companies simply show a picture of a size-negative-four supermodel who immediately causes us to question everything about ourselves. If it affects us, they've done what they set out to do. After we wallow in criticism for what seems like hours, we pound our fists on our tables and vow to make a change. The first thing that pops into our heads? I need something fast...a quick fix...something that will change me as soon as possible because obviously I'm not what I'm supposed to be. The next thing we know, we're riding home with that very product (and an empty wallet).

Wouldn't it be amazing if people across the county stood up and said, "We have had enough!"? Wouldn't it be great if we funneled our money into things that promoted a positive, healthy attitude about ourselves instead of pouring all the money we believe our insecurities are worth into a 40 billion dollar industry that's going nowhere?

Even though January 1st has come and gone, we can still make positive resolutions. Instead of buying the newest diet pill, shake, or bar...instead of buying that new workout machine that will eventually become a very complex looking clothes rack/dust collector, we could purchase some new hiking boots to scale a mountain, sign up for a race, or buy a new tent to go on a family camping trip. We could even join a kickboxing class, buy a canoe, or finally take off and go on that white-water rafting trip we've always wanted to take.

The year is still young, and there's plenty of time to get out there and discover all this world has to offer besides just another quick fix. Let's make our experiences last a lifetime. After all, life is all about relationships and memories, and to make these flourish and grow, sometimes we have to slow down, take the first step, realize there's more to life than weight, and resolve to start living happily...and a "quick fix" isn't going to get us there any faster.

Living the Dream (Featured on Finding Balance)

The day I realized that I wouldn't be able to maintain the way I was living without dying was the day I stopped dreaming and started living.

For years I created an image of what I believed was true happiness--my ultimate dream. It consisted of the one thing I felt I could control: my weight. (When you're a teenager, there's not much you can control.)

At one point in time, I thought weighing a certain amount or fitting into a certain sized pair of jeans was a dream I must achieve. I daydreamed about the glittering life I would lead if I had the confidence to hold my head up without hiding behind of fake facade. To be honest, it all looked amazing in my head, but somehow I knew it was a dream--not a goal. True goals are always achievable; dreams aren't.

Life is all about learning how to live out our dreams realistically.  Realizing that some of our dreams might not ever come to fruition can be a big step for us. It can help us to grow up and see our lives for what they truly are. It can also be, however, something that depresses us to the point of wanting to stop living altogether. Some people say we should never stop chasing our dreams because only they will make us truly happy. Others say that we should learn how to deal with our lives the way they are, live in the moment, and cherish what we've got. No wonder we feel like we're in a game of tug-of-war. We hear mixed messages every day! One of the hardest parts of life is realizing that this paradox--living in the moment vs. searching for our dreams--will perplex us until the day we die. The good news is that it doesn't have to control us.

These two ideas have to coexist for us to truly thrive in the way God wants us to.

Living our dreams realistically starts with setting small goals. When I began doing this, I started finding God in everything and happiness in the smallest of things. Plus, I started to see that setting goals and reaching them was me actually living the dream. That inner peace that comes along with accomplishment and knowing that you're doing something to better yourself was all I needed to give me the confidence to get on the right track. It turns out that it really wasn't the number on my dress tag, the amount of calories I had eaten that day, or the number that popped up on the scale. It was me doing something. It was me being the best I could be. It was me seeing that I could be successful without focusing on my appearance or weight. It was me finding that I'm worth a whole lot more than words out of someone else's mouth. You'll be surprised  how your self-confidence will skyrocket when you adopt this mentality!

Too often, we see past these daily victories. We refuse to see the beauty in the up's and down's of life and tend to focus only on an outcome we believe will make us happy. We all can admit to this. But living the dream is just that...living.  There has to be a perfect, healthy balance between accepting what we have been given and what we can actually get. Until then, we're searching for lost hope.

It's okay to have dreams; they simply need a little dose of reality to make them truly come alive.

The Necklace

I selected one of my favorite short stories to go over with my ninth graders today. Have you ever heard of Guy de Maupassant's "The Necklace?" It's a little punch of powerful if you want to know the truth. Set in France in the 1800s, it's centered around a middle-class woman who never thinks she is good enough or has enough. She whines constantly of having old home furnishings and having to make do with shabby clothes. She looks out the window, longing for a life filled with parties, riches, and other fine things. Well, one day, her husband comes home with an invitation to an aristocrat's party. You'd think she be elated, but no! She doesn't have a dress! She doesn't have any fine jewels!

She stomps her foot: "I'll look like a pauper: I'd almost rather not go to that party."

Her husband, out of pity, gives her his savings so she'll have a proper dress to wear, but that's still not good enough. She has to get some jewelry, of course! After pouting, her husband comes up with a great idea. She should borrow a necklace from one of her friends! Yes. That's a great idea. While sorting through her friend's jewelry box, she comes across a gorgeous, ornate diamond necklace hidden in the back. She selects it and wears it proudly to the party. Every man wants to waltz with her, and her beauty is commended by men and women alike. Everything is just as she wants it--a night to remember for sure! However, when she gets home, the necklace is missing. It's gone! She and her husband search everywhere, never finding the necklace. Her husband then proceeds to borrow and sign away his life to pay for a replacement necklace.
For ten years, they fight to pay off the necklace. She learns what it means to work hard, and in the process, she becomes bitter, cold, and aged. One sunny day while out walking, she encounters her friend. Her friend ends up telling her the necklace was a fake!

How many times have we stared out our own windows, yearning for a life outside our means? Outside of our realities? And how many times have we gotten a taste of that life only to realize shortly after that we were happy with what we had? Sadly, this happens to ninety-nine percent of us. We work and work and work to create a life we think we want, but what's not real can never last. Falsities and artificiality can only make us happy temporarily. By the end of the story, the main character could only dream of going back to the simple little life she once led with her husband. She wished away her happiness with fake dreams and unrealistic desires.

Even in the 1800s, people dealt with the same issues we deal with today. Why are we always wanting more? There's nothing wrong with wanting a better life, but money, clothes, beauty, and jewels won't get us respect, and it won't get us love. True happiness can't be found until we've learned how to respect and love ourselves. Let's all pledge to focus more on the little things: God's peace, family, a sunny day, a hot cup of coffee, the smell of fresh laundry, a baby's laugh. All of these things matter in their small little ways! They're God's hidden gifts!

More Is More (Featured on Finding Balance)

Why is the idea of attractiveness so skewed?

I've been hearing a great deal about the unveiling of Sports Illustrated's new swimsuit cover for about a month now. I've seen coverage on Twitter, Facebook, Yahoo, and the daily news. Yes, everyone, this is news if you didn't know it already. There may be wars, earthquakes, starving people all over the world, but this, my friends, is what the people want to see.

SI has always hailed itself as a magazine who advocates the true beauty of a woman. Real women? Really? Even if the models they use in their swimsuit editions aren't near the brink of starvation, the message still exists. Less is more. Less weight, less clothing, less wrinkles, less gray hair, less scars, less dark circles, less freckles, less...reality.

Why does beauty have to be so unrealistic? Why can't it exist in the flaws and quirks that make us unique and individualistic? It seems that nowadays every type of "different" is accepted besides a women's beauty. Just when you think you see some progress, something like a magazine cover brings you back into actuality.

When I finally did see the much anticipated cover of this magazine, I was flabbergasted. It looks more like what I'd imagine a cover of Playboy to look like. The model has on less fabric than what can be found on my key chain, and she's 19! What kind of message is this sending our young girls who are so conflicted with the media's idea of beauty? Why can't the media praise successful, beautiful women for their accomplishments and by the honorable way they carry themselves in a "less is more" world--not by their clothing, makeup, money, age, or weight?

Real beauty is a process of discovery and renewal that deserves to be praised. It took me a long time to get where I am today because my idea of beauty got a little tangled up with the word respect. Somehow those two words became interchangeable to me. My mentality was "If I'm thin and pretty, I'll be respected." Most of the time, it's not the fact that we want to change ourselves; it's that we want others to change. We want others to see us differently, and we want them to treat us differently. Because when they don't, something is obviously wrong with us, right? Our logic is apparently distorted, and the media isn't making it any better.

Only when I learned that respect comes from how I respect myself did I learn what true beauty is. Respect comes from finding confidence through what we say and do. I had to work for this realization. How can you respect yourself when it seems like you're the complete opposite of what the world sees as beautiful? That's just it: Respect has nothing to do with the world's idea of beauty! Respect takes discipline. It means that we have to take on the responsibility of representing what God sees in us each and every day we live. And God must see something pretty awesome because we have all been given this wonderful blessing called life.

A great deal of prayer, a lot of avoiding the magazine racks at the grocery store, and a lot of journaling allowed me to grow tired of waiting on myself to accept who I am. I grew tired of wanting to change. This truth has brought me freedom in so many capacities, and I've never felt more confident. Sometimes, less isn't more. More is. We shouldn't have to limit ourselves and our potential for success, and we shouldn't have to hide behind a mask of artificiality because we think we will find respect that way. We deserve more to live for, more to die for, more to cherish, more to enjoy, more to become....more to love. And love is pretty important; it's the greatest commandment of all! See, more is more.

The Line Between Selfishness and Selflessness

In the movies, it always seems as if the main character is always trying to prove himself to his counterparts or those in authority over him. He wants to show them that he has what it takes to succeed and make a difference. He wants people to see what he's got...what he's capable of. He's proud of his accomplishments, and he wants the world to feel the same way. We all fall in love with this kind of story because we can all relate to it.

Who's to say this couldn't be our story?

It very well could be, but sometimes, we of all people stand in our own paths, allowing negative self-talk and self-doubt to block our potential from propelling us forward.

I think one of my gifts in life is having the ability to encourage people to see their own potential. I thoroughly enjoy seeing people feel empowered to do something they might not have ever thought they could do. In all honestly, I probably feel this way so strongly because I can remember feeling stagnant for a great period of my life, whether it was in my relationship with God, my family, or in my self-belief. Then there were those recurring thoughts swimming around in my head that plagued me for years (and still do sometimes).

"Don't they remember how weak you used to be? How needy? They must see right through you and your priorities, your motives. You're not fooling anybody."

"Don't let their words go to your head. It's not you who is actually doing something worth noticing. It's not the real you, anyway. Everyone knows the real you."

"Everyone probably thinks you're doing what you're doing because you need their approval--not because you really have it within you."

Ouch. Negative self-talk? I believe that's it at its best. This thinking is a mental trap that I've fallen into too many times to count. We all have! But where is the line between selfishness and selflessness?

When I subconsciously belittle myself in front of other people, I'm only festering those wounds that used to destroy me. Some people call this modesty and humility, but when guilt and doubt factor into the equation, we have something entirely different altogether.

I've learned over the years of healing and recovery that it's not awful to care deeply for others. In fact, that's what the Bible instructs us to do. When we never feel good enough to accept that we are worthy is when we should start worrying. God wants us to set goals and do what we love. He wants us to seek out and find what he has in store for us, and we should never--ever--feel like his plan isn't good enough to be recognized. As long as we're sincerely searching for his plan, nothing should make us feel ashamed of what we've been allowed to see and accomplish in this life.

There's nothing wrong with feeling proud and empowered by something we have done. Humility and modesty is knowing when to put a cap on it, and that's the line between selfishness and selflessness.

Labels

Five more days until I run my first (and last?) marathon.

So far, this has been an extremely bizarre week. I had these preconceptions about how I'd be feeling right about now. I figured I'd be floating on cloud nine...feeling optimistic and free...knowing I had done everything right and that I was going to soar across the finish line feeling like a bird in the breeze. Whoa. Was I wrong.

My nerves are shot. 

Aren't you supposed to lose weight when you run?

My foot HURTS.

Emotional? Sniff. Sniff. You think I'm emotional?

It all comes down to this: Who in the world am I, and what are my motives in everything I do? 

Sometimes I think about what in the world drove me to do this. Running started out being a way to unwind and exercise. You know...the whole set some goals and get off the couch technique. Now, it has turned into what and who I am. Coming from the low places I've been in my life, this might not seem like such a bad thing, but when you realize you're replacing one label with another, it can kind of make you sit and think. And sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, thinking is good.

So often I see my teenage students struggling with labels, whether it's a label from an extracurricular activity they're involved in or a label from a particular article of clothing they're wearing. Sometimes their boyfriends/girlfriends are their labels. They want it to be right, whatever it is. They want to belong, and labels allow them to do this. It's funny how they designate each other into their own little groups when all they all want is to be accepted and loved. What's not funny is how this burden of a mentality can follow and haunt us even after we've left the halls of our high schools; hence, today's post. 

Will I be satisfied when I've run this pinnacle of a race, or will I still be searching? Will I be content with being labeled a marathoner, or will I still need another label to plaster across my forehead as if everyone can see it? (As if anyone even cares...) Or will I give up on labels altogether? Ding ding ding. I hope it's the last one.

I want to believe that there's a difference in searching for our identities and searching for ways to better ourselves. Sometimes, however, we can confuse these two processes. Accepting the truth is a step in the right direction, and I know this to be true for myself. It's always been a struggle of mine. Nevertheless, one thing I know is that it's getting better, and sometimes, improvement is all a person needs to keep on keepin' on. 

Whatever you do, make sure God's behind it. Our plans for ourselves are never as awesome as his. Mine have usually turned out to be flops, but his? His make so much sense after I've quit trying to get my two cents in.

Note to self, huh?

Identity Theft: Don't Become a Victim! (Featured on Finding Balance)

As I was driving home from work today, I had an epiphany. I'm slowly falling victim to identity theft once again. No, not that kind of identity theft. The identity theft where you start to lose who you truly are--the "you" God created to an identity you have created.

I'll be honest, when I started running and training for a marathon, I thought I was pretty awesome. I felt as if I was doing something worth being respected because not many people can say that they had the discipline and preseverance to train for all twenty-six point two miles. For the first time, I was attaching myself to something other than my disordered eating that deserved attention, and I was proud of myself.

Here I am, six days from my race, and I'm searching...searching for the gratification, the self-worth, the success, the feeling of accomplishment that I expected to feel, and I can't find it.

So many times, we search in every place but the right place to find our identities. To feel approval and acceptance, we alter what we see in the mirror to fit an idea in our heads. We hang onto every word people say, thinking their opinions of us are more superior than God's loving, nurturing acceptance. We buy that new car, new house, that new pair of shoes. We run that marathon...all in the name of identity. Some people fall into traps like drug abuse, alcoholism, or eating disorders to feel like they belong...like they can control something. Ironically, the moments in our lives when we think we are the most in control are the times when we are usually the farthest from God and his divine will for us.

Our issues are at their peaks when we realize our identities are not our own. Most people call this "rock bottom." Until we realize that no one but God can repair the damage that has been caused from losing our souls to a nameless identity, we will never know who we are. Nothing else will work. God is simply waiting on us to open that door where we can invite him in and be used for his purpose.

My life with disordered eating has changed greatly. With every single day that passes, I'm given the opportunity to see more of what God has created me to do and be; however, it seems that I will always want that sense of acceptance and approval. It's simply natural to want to be loved and accepted. Our concern should be that the desire we have is fixated on God and his will for our lives. In no other capacity will we flourish in the way He wants us to...the way that will bring us true happiness.

2 Corinthians 1:21-22 states, "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." (NIV) Isn't it amazing knowing that God's plan for us is out there waiting for us? Isn't it awesome knowing that we wouldn't be here unless He had a purpose for our lives? It's a comforting notion that we can rest in his protective, loving acceptance and know that our search for identity is over. When I look into the mirror, I want to see Him. When I surround myself with people, I want to hear about Him. When I begin in with negative self-talk, I want to hear his Word. I want my identity to be found in Him and nothing more.

I want to encourage all of you to join along with me on this journey of identity. The road might be bumpy from time to time, but when our hearts and minds are set on Him, we will succeed. Galations 6:9 says, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (NIV) God's door of acceptance is always open; all we need to do is open it and begin to see ourselves in a whole new way!